Last weekend my friend and I headed off to the Gold Class cinema to curl up in gigantic lounge chairs and watch Alice in Wonderland 3D. We’d been planning it for a fair while so I was pretty excited to go see it. And for the most part I wasn’t disappointed. Notice I said ‘for the most part’…
All in all, I loved the majority of the movie. Which in and of itself is not a surprise because a) I love Tim Burton’s whole aesthetic and b) I love Johnny Depp. I totally found myself enveloped by the world Burton created and was enraptured by the film.
Until the end.
The end, to put it bluntly, sucked. In five minutes it basically torpedoed my whole feeling of ‘my god I love this movie!!!’, which is where I was until then.
MILD SPOILERS AHEAD SO AVERT YOUR EYES IF YOU FEEL THE NEED.
Eyes averted if you don’t want to know how it ends? Good.
First of all, there was the whole Johnny Depp dance thingy. As soon as he started his computer-enhanced-Michael-Jackson routine, I was just ‘Oh man. That is so lame.’ It wasn’t charming or amusing or anything of the sort. It was just. Lame. It tried to bring this kind of lighthearted fun into the movie when there really hadn’t been anything of the sort … and there didn’t need to be.
The twee dance was followed by the even twee-er Girl Power ending. It wasn’t enough that Alice defeated the Jabberwocky. Oh no no no. She had to go back to The Real World and assert her independence with every single person she had interacted with before going down the rabbit hole. It was like someone said, ‘How many moments of female empowerment do you reckon we can put in the ending?’ and someone else said, ’12!’. Two or three would have been enough … kill the dragon, reject the nerd and go off to find your fortune. ‘Nuff said. I swear at the end of the movie I thought Alice was going to stand on the bow of the boat, throw out her arms and yell, “I’M KING OF THE WORLD!!!”
It was Tim Burton channelling his inner James Cameron, which was not a good thing.
And it really didn’t need to be in 3D. While 3D added a bit of dimensionality to it, I would have liked it just as much if I’d seen the 2D version. I think I might have even liked the 2D version more. Because for me with 3D there are always those moments where the 3D effect doesn’t seem quite right and it actually pulls me out of the experience (if that makes sense). It wasn’t like Coraline, where the characters felt more lifelike because they were in 3D. It was more like using a View-Master… Again, not a good thing.
So I guess if anyone asked me if I liked the movie I would say, “I LOVED it, but…”. But in the end, I didn’t. I wanted to love it unconditionally, but all my warm fuzzy feelings were destroyed by the ending. Which is pretty much the same thing I would say about my marriage… but that’s another entry altogether.